Last One Out Of Midgar
by AsreonInfusion
Summary: Starring Sephiroth as a repressed nerd, Zack as the ultimate wingman, and a very familiar spiky-haired blond as mystery boy. (Yes, this is a completely blatant rip-off of the SU episode, but the details have been changed enough that works fine just as a random standalone AU as well. Enjoy.)


**A/N:** Inspired by cloud-strife-amiibo on Tumblr, who brilliantly suggested Last One Out Of Beach City but with Sefikura instead. I basically screamed and immediately opened a new text document the second I saw that post. And now this is a thing that exists.

This is a completely blatant rip-off of the SU episode, lol, but you don't need to have seen it or know anything about the show to be able to read this. All the details have been changed so that works fine just as a random standalone AU as well.

I mean, aside from the plot of that single episode (which came across slightly more like a gay indie film condensed into eleven minutes than a Steven Universe episode, in the absolute best way XD) this has nothing in common with the world or lore of SU, hence not marking it as a crossover. But it will completely spoil the plot of the episode, so you should make sure to watch it first if you are interested in that.

This was just something I wrote quite quickly for a laugh, so it's kinda rushed and out of character, but the point of it is just that it's fun to read tbh. Don't take this one seriously. xp

* * *

Sephiroth was… well. Sephiroth was trying.

Zack gave him two thumbs up. "You look awesome, dude!" And he did, he really did. That black leather coat made a dramatic contrast to his silver hair, and the matching trousers hugged his legs in just the right way. Not that his lounging-around-home wear of old jeans and turtlenecks didn't look good too – Sephiroth was the sort of guy who looked amazing in anything, and he didn't even know it – but the leather definitely kicked it up a notch.

Sephiroth regarded the leather coat himself. With a thoughtful hum, he took the collar and turned it up. "It is cool, because the collar is not supposed to go this way," he announced.

Zack had to cover his mouth with both hands to stop from laughing. Sephiroth was trying, and it was adorable. And slightly hilarious. "Yeah, man! You're a natural."

He shoved Sephiroth away from the display fridge he had been leaning against. "Alright," Zack said, "we got snacks and shit already, you want anything to drink? Ooooh, they got Monster Energy Ultra, hell yeah." He grabbed one of the cans. "That one's for me. You want anything, Seph?"

"I will have one of those too."

Zack back his head back out the fridge to stare at Seph. "What, really? I thought you hated these… uh, what did you call 'em, 'artificial sugar monstrosities'?"

"The consumption of a single can is unlikely to have permanent negative effects."

"Alright, living on the wild side, I like it." Zack grinned and tossed a can to Sephiroth.

Sephiroth frowned at it for a moment – Zack thought he was doubting his choices, but it turned out Sephiroth just wasn't overly familiar with a pull tab. He worked it out after a few false starts.

Zack snuck an arm around Sephiroth's shoulder and leaned in conspiratorially. "So, here's the plan. It's a house party, right? And there's gonna be a live rock band, and loads of dancing and cool people hanging out. We gotta make an impression. So when we arrive, we walk in like we own the place and–"

Sephiroth made a small choked noise and promptly dropped his can of drink. He was staring past Zack, to the door of the convenience store.

It was open, and entering the building was a young man.

No, not just any young man. The most amazing young man Sephiroth had ever seen. He had blond hair that stood up in gravity-defying spikes, stylishly untamed. He wore chunky boots, tight ripped jeans with a flannel shirt tied around his hips, and a crop top that showed off his midriff. He had several piercings in his ear – one of the earrings was a kickass wolf design – and another piercing below his lip and– Gaia. Sephiroth had to try in order to achieve 'cool', and even then it never settled naturally on him. This manradiated it.

It took Sephiroth a moment to realise Zack was talking again.

"–over and practice!"

"What?" Sephiroth asked stupidly.

"This, this right here! There's gonna be loads of cool strangers at the party," Zack repeated, "so this is a great warm-up. Get over there and practice, introduce yourself or something."

Sephiroth made no move to do anything. He was still staring.

"Uhh, Seph?" Zack tried. "You okay there, bud?"

"I…" He shook himself. "I did not realise it was possible for anyone's hair to defy gravity in such a manner."

"Dude. Have you not seen mine?"

"That is a personal choice of yours manifested by the copious amounts of mako flooded throughout your physical form. I did not realise it was possible for a human's hair to defy gravity in such a manner."

"Pfft. Fine. Well, why don't you go ask how it does it? It's probably a bunch of hair product or something."

"I don't know," Sephiroth frowned, a slightly distant look on his face. "Product tends to stiffen… his hair looks so soft…"

"Alright. You have got to go over there and talk to him."

Sephiroth looked unconvinced, so Zack gave him a nudge with his elbow. "Go on! Do it!"

Sephiroth considered it a moment – his natural instinct was to avoid social interactions with civilians, but he couldn't avoid it forever. It had been, how long? A decade since they had toppled ShinRa, more? Sephiroth was not their weapon any more. He had not been for a long time. He had fought to be free, and tonight he was going to use his freedom to indulge and enjoy life on the planet he protected. And that included talking to civili– to people.

The gorgeous blond was at the self-service cafe area. A quick analysis informed Sephiroth of what was expected in such a situation; pick up cup, select beverage from the machine, place cup in the designated area to be filled, add milk and sugar from the packets provided and stir. Integrating himself into the scenario should be easy.

Sephiroth couldn't help but stare out the corner of his eye as he went to take a cup for himself. Blue eyes, he realised. His mystery boy had blue eyes.

He wasn't paying enough attention, and instead of picking up the cups, Sephiroth managed to knock the entire stack over. Cursing under his breath, Sephiroth's reflexes kicked into action. It wasn't the most graceful work he'd done, arms darting in opposite directions (he was not flailing; Sephiroth did not flail), but he did manage to catch all of the cups he had sent flying.

That was… sort of impressive, right?

The blond glanced over at Sephiroth, blinked, then took his drink and walked out.

"Woooow," Zack commented. "That went well."

They paid for their drinks and headed out to the car, Sephiroth stomping more than necessary the whole way there. In fairness, Zack was the one who would not stop running his mouth.

"I mean, hey, you sure showed those cups who's boss," Zack said as he slid into the passenger seat.

"Zack, shut up and put on your seatbelt."

"Yessir," he grinned.

Sephiroth revved the car into gear, and turned up the radio. "Let us go to thisparty."

Zack made a whooping noise, air drumming along to the song. The streetlights flashed by as they made their way across Midgar. Sephiroth's hands on the wheel were still clenched a little too tightly. He did not like to be embarrassed.

The road was mostly empty, with just a few cars passing by in the opposite direction every so often. A motorbike behind them caught Zack's attention.

"Damn, nice ride," he whistled. It was sleek black beast of a thing, and– "Yooo! Hey, Seph, look! It's that guy again!"

"What?"

"On the bike, he's driving right next to us! You've got another chance."

A look that was uncharacteristically close to panic crossed Sephiroth's face. "What do I do?" he hissed. "Flash my lights? Honk? From what I understand of vehicular etiquette, those are usually interpreted as either a negative interaction or indication of a problematic issue, so it is hardly ideal–"

Zack cut Seph off before he could get too deep into his overthinking. "Just shoot him a look." Sephiroth eyes started to drift across, and Zack swiftly interrupted again. "Wait, not yet! I'll tell you when…" He trailed off, waiting for just the moment. "Now!"

Sephiroth turned, only to find the beautiful blond looking right back at him. Their eyes locked for a moment. Actual eye contact. And the young man smiled at him. Sephiroth did not know how to react to that – he was not familiar with people smiling at him, most of them tended to look at him with suspicion at best and he… damnit. His mental database of positive social interaction responses was severely lacking.

His face distinctly felt like it was heating up.

The motorbike pulled ahead, speeding up to get through the set of lights Sephiroth hadn't even noticed turning amber. He stopped, and the motorbike drove out of sight.

"Aaaand there he goes," Zack said, rather unhelpfully. "Hey, it's okay. Maybe he's going to the same party? But then again, a guy as cool as that probably know a tons of different parties going on tonight…"

Sephiroth just scowled, partially at Zack and partially at the red light that had left him stuck here while such an incredible human got away.

But… it was only a light. And there was no one else around.

Sephiroth's scowl set into determination instead. He gunned the engine and shot straight through.

Zack hollered in the seat next to him. "Alright, Seph! You totally just ran a red light! You."

"I know," Sephiroth said, sounding extremely self-satisfied. All it took was an extra bit of speed and within minutes he caught sight of the motorbike in front of him.

It occurred to him that he didn't actually have any idea what he intended to do once he did catch up. He would– he would figure something out. He was pushing his boundaries, he was going to a party, and he was damn well going to talk to a cute boy. That was all the plan he needed.

He was going to do this, and nothing could get in his way.

There was a flash of red and blue behind them, and the sudden burst of a siren.

Nothing could get in his way except the damn police.

"What do they want?" Sephiroth asked, irritated.

Zack twisted in his seat and glanced out the back window at their pursuers. "Probably to either arrest you or give you a hefty fine for breaking the law back there." He sounded far too perky about it, too.

"Let me rephrase. What am I supposed to do about this?"

"Well, what you're supposed to do is pull over and show them your licence."

Sephiroth's lips pursed together. "I don't have a licence. I was created as a genetic experiment by ShinRa and registered as killed in action years ago. It is difficult to acquire documentation when I do not officially exist."

"Aha. Right. So, what're you gonna do?"

Sephiroth frown in thought for a moment. Then he slammed his foot down on the acceleration.

They shot past the mysterious blond's bike, police car in hot pursuit. Sephiroth turned the volume on the radio up.

"Oh my gooood," Zack crowed, hanging on to the sides of his seat. "Seph, you're a total badass!"

Sephiroth his the brakes and yanked at the wheel at the same time, sending them screeching around a corner. They were nearing the divide between sectors now, and that meant – perfect. A small smile pulled at the corners of his mouth.

"Hold on," Sephiroth said, and then the car shot through the sector gates and span four hundred and fifty degrees, tyres kicking up dirt and smoke the whole way. He slammed them into reverse and backed into an alley, hidden from view behind the sector wall. The engine and music cut out, and a moment later the police car that had been following them shot straight past.

They both held their breath for a moment.

"Are they gone?" Zack said.

"I believe so." Sephiroth sighed deeply, then attempted to start the car again. It made an undignified splutter, then died out. "…I think I may have damaged the vehicle's workings."

"Oh. Shit."

Sephiroth slumped in his seat, but Zack was already getting out of the car.

"Well, c'mon. We'd better get walking then! I don't think there was much further to go anyway."

Although Sephiroth obliged, he walked with his hands in his pockets and a frown on his face. This evening was not going at all the way he had planned.

"I apologise," he said.

"Uh, what for?"

"For ruining your attempts to go to this party. I was actually… looking forward to it. I was going to listen their band, and drink your terrible energy drinks, and wear this ridiculous leather coat. I was going to socialise, Zack. But instead all I have achieved is driving to loud music, chasing a mysterious young man into the night, and breaking both the law and our vehicle." Sephiroth's fingers twitched at his side. "I have lost my edge."

"Dude!" Zack laughed. "Are you kidding? That was hardcore! You got into a freakin' high speed car chase with the police! You're a criminal now."

Sephiroth considered this for a long, then stepped past Zack with renewed confidence. "Now? We've been criminals ever since we took down the most powerful corporation on the planet."

"Aw yeah, that's more like it," Zack agreed, grinning as they headed down another back alley.

He had been right, after all. It wasn't much further to where they'd been trying to get to anyway, although their unusual approach led them to the house's rear garden instead of the front. Zack just shrugged and they both vaulted the fence easily.

There was a stage set up beside the house, and the band was in full swing playing. There was a thronging crowd in front of them, cheering, singing along, dancing. Plenty of other people were dotted around the rest of the space, chatting or chilling or messing around with their phones. And over by the back door was–

"No way! Check it out, that guy is actually here!"

Sephiroth's head jerked up to check; the hair, the gorgeous eyes, awesome piercings, casual confidence… that was him alright. Sephiroth's eyes narrowed. "I'm going to talk to him," he said, barely a moment of forethought.

Zack's smiled slipped a little. "Uh. Hey, Seph, look. I already think you're cool as heck, you can ease into this socialising with humans thing. Start smaller, talk to a nerd or something!"

Sephiroth had already walked off, and Zack winced to himself. Sephiroth was just straight up approaching the cute, badass blond, and– oh no. He started it off with a handshake? The way he was just standing there with his hand stuck out… aw man, that was awkward.

But to Zack's surprise, the blond actually went for it. He looked Sephiroth up a down for a moment, then smiled and took Sephiroth's hand in his own.

Zack could make out what they were saying, and the tension was killing him. They both seemed to be smiling; that was a good sign, right? The blond laughed… he wasn't sure if he was laughing at Sephiroth or with him, though. It was hard to tell.

They parted ways, and Zack ran to meet Sephiroth. "Soooo, how'd it go?"

Sephiroth made a thoughtful sounding hum. "Well, I said his hair looked good. It is natural, apparently. He asked about mine, and I told him my appearance was a conscious manifestation of life energy made possible by the addition of extraterrestrial genetics, and he laughed and wondered if that was why I was so 'out of this world'." Sephiroth paused. "I think he was flirting. Was he flirting?"

"I don't know! What was he doing at the time?"

"Well, he was smiling, and he had his head tilted and eyelids sort of lowered like… like he wanted me to stare into them and then… we would move closer, until our lips met and–"

"Uh, okay. You might be projecting a little there, Seph. So, what did he say after that?"

"Well, I added about how I had saved the planet from destruction at the hands of ShinRa's corruption."

Zack's face fell. "Hoo boy. How did that go over?"

"Poorly, I believe. He walked off after presenting me with some form of code." Sephiroth handed over the piece of paper in question. All that was written on it was the letter 'C', followed by a string of numerals.

Zack stared at it. "Dude, that's a phone number! He wants you to call him and chat, maybe even arrange a date or something."

"Is that… good?"

"Uh, yeah! Oh my god, Seph. You just managed to make the cheesiest pickup line ever actually work for you, and you got his number like it was nothing!"

Sephiroth raised his chin, a small smile on his face. Then a thought occurred to him.

"This means I should probably get a phone, doesn't it?"


End file.
